Raw emotion – the early years

I was born on January 6th 1993 (I wasn’t kidding when I said we were going back to the beginning). I was late, so when I was born I was huge, cockeyed, and full of zits.

What a face, I look like I’ve sucked on a lemon.

Mum always jokes about how when she saw me she wanted to put me back as I looked so ugly. It was a great first impression, poor kid never stood a chance.

Introducing the worlds chubbiest child

I was their first child so as you can imagine I was spoilt rotten. My dad worked away during the week so it was usually just my mum and I. I know this because my mum recorded every single moment of my infant life on camcorder. Watching all of my baby videos would take you years, she was obsessed. However if you watch them back it’s rare to find my dad in them, he pops in now and again, but the majority of the clips are my mum and I.

  In 1994 my brother was born. He was this handsome, brown eyed baby who everyone thought was so gorgeous. My mum had professional picture of us taken at a few weeks old which she proudly placed on the living room wall. Side by side the difference in appearances is hysterical. Lets just say that my brother got the good genes. Also to top it off at the age of one I was still bald, whereas my brother had a head full of hair. My mum would buy huge headbands for me, or try and get as much hair as possible into a pineapple style on the top of my head. It was a great look. 

The pineapple

We were the perfect family. My brother and I got on great to begin with, we bickered like siblings but we always played well together. My mum and dad seemed so in love it was sickening. But as time went on we found that it was usually just the three off us doing things together. Dad would work in the week and then on weekends come home, watch TV, or go to town on his own. I remember asking to go with him once and we spent the entire time in WHSmith reading magazines, I never went again. According to my mum he didn’t like us going with him because a) we might misbehave and b) he didn’t want people thinking he was a weird man with a child. Honestly I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous, it was the 90s, dads with kids was a normal thing. 
But we didn’t really mind much as mum would take us out to all the fun things like the cinema or the park etc. Looking back it was very clear that my dad was not interested.

Evil genius at work

My mum was a stay at home so she was always around, my brother and I relied on her greatly, especially me. I was a daddy’s girl, but I always knew my mum was close by. This is one of the reasons that I have such anxiety issues, I was shy, reserved and hated new situations, and new friends. It’s only recently that I’ve begun making my own doctors appointments, mad huh?!

I still cringe at the haircuts of the 90s

My early years were pretty great, other than the usual classroom argument things were going good. Until year 6. It’s sad that something that happened to me at such a young age could still impact on me too this day. It really makes you realise how mean children can be and that it’s important to stop that behaviour before it gets worse. By telling you this you’ll probably call me a massive drama queen but in all honesty this event broke my heart and ruined my trust in people. I may have only been 11 years old but I had a big heart.

‘Help me’ – I was 11, I knew santa wasn’t real and that in fact I was sitting on some random man’s knee.

I had a crush, not just any crush, I had a first love crush, I was obsessed with this boy, however he was popular and I wasn’t. I was the loud, drama kid who use to get on everyone’s nerves (nothing much has changed there), I had my own little social group and we were in the middle, not popular but not the bottom of the pecking order. I loved this boy, and with valentine’s Day approaching my mum had taken me out to town to buy my first ever valentine’s Day card. I spent ages looking for the perfect one and when I got it home I wrote inside a special message and kept it safe in my room ready for the big day. I’d loved this boy for years but this was going to be my first ever grand gesture as I’d never told anyone that I liked them before. All my close friends knew how I felt which is what makes this story so much worse.

A week before the big day we had been swimming in the local pool and on our return back to school my friend came running over to tell me that this boy liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. As you can imagine I was thrilled, my first proper boyfriend! Everyone is class was buzzing doing the usual kid thing of passing message back and forth between us. I think deep down I knew something wasn’t quite right, this boy had known I’d liked him for quite a while so why now? But honestly I was so happy I ingnored all the warning signs. When the bell went at the end of the day I went skipping out of school inpatient to get home to tell my mum. But before I even got to the gates the bomb dropped. My group of friends informed me that the whole thing had been a huge joke, something they knew about and had played along with. I was crushed, not only had I been made a fool of infront of the entire class but my friends had lied to me. I can remember running out of school to my mum and spending the evening crying on the sofa. I ripped up the card. My mum thought I was being my usual dramatic self, but for me this was a curve ball. My trust in people was gone, and from that day on I’ve struggled with it.

I hated having my photo taken so much, hence why the goofy smile.

In all honesty I had a lucky escape as said boy is now in jail for numerous offences (hysterical), but my heart still breaks for that sad little 11 year old girl curled up on the sofa crying. To make matters even worse I ended up going to secondary school with him and stupidly my crush continued for another 2 years. Why? Because I honestly thought one day he would change his mind. He didn’t, FAIL.

It may seem like a silly thing, but working in a school I find that these things happen quite frequently and it really makes me sad. Yes I was 11 but these little things can build up into major issues later in life. They were children and I’m sure deep down they never meant to hurt me like that, but they did.

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